so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
