i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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