Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
