WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
