i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
