just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
