Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Come share oat with me in your robe
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
