my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
