Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
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