Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Did I show you my penis last night?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
