I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
