What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
