Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
and you fell through a lawn chair
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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