ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
