1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
this will be a night to untag.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Randomize
