vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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