Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
