I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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