Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Randomize
