Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Randomize
