I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
