I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
lets start a swedish sibling band together
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
