He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
