so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
