Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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