whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
