i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
