Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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