i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
The uberlube is also flammable
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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