apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
we're so committed to being not committed
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
