Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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