I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I will pee on everything he values.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
