I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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