We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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