one might say we're banned from that church
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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