new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
i think im in europe. pls send help
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
