Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
