just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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