Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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