Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
