Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
