were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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