just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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