just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
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i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
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I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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