I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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