Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
