do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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