I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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