Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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