Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
