I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
