Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
