can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
