I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
