"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
