i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
