just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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