I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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