My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I will pee on everything he values.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
