Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
