I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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