My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
you inspire me to be a worse person
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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