i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
