I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I cut my penus on the lid.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
