he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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