i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
