Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
