So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
