im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize