i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
pop tarts are not kleenex
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
