I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
