Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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